One afternoon Jane and Lance didn't head for the spa. They headed straight upstairs, Jane not even saying hello to me. I let this pass as teenage temperament.
Bekka came downstairs and said, "Jane is getting laid."
"How do you know?" I asked.
"I can hear the bed squeaking."
I sighed. "Well, that means Lance is no longer the target of vampires who only prey on virgins."
Half an hour later the two lovebirds came down and stuck their head in the office. Lance had a blissed-out, confident look on his face. Winning race drivers could only hope to have that look of confidence. Jane said, "I've gotta drive Lance home, then I'll be back, okay?"
"Fine with us," Bekka said.
After a while Jane returned. She burst into the office and said, "I'm taking you two out to dinner!"
"What's the celebration?" I asked.
She grinned and said, "Taking my first virgin."
"Well, uh, congratulations. How does he feel about it?"
"Oh, he's overjoyed. He can't wait to practice more tomorrow."
Bekka smiled gently. "Tell you what, pet, I'll make dinner tonight. We'll have tortellini in cream sauce and salad. After dinner you can fill us in on the details of your deflowering. In the meantime, how was school?"
"Easy, like always," said Jane. "I got most of my homework done in the cafeteria at lunch, then finished it in the car waiting for Lance to get out of the shower after track. It's weird, the other punks at school think I'm nuts, because I go out for one smoke when the lunch bell goes off, then start working on homework. They don't get that I'd rather have my time out of school to myself. They don't understand why I drive my hot rod, either. It's like they can't conceive of adults being nice to them."
"They can't conceive of adulthood," I muttered.
"Anyway, we're reading '1984' by George Orwell for English class, and I already read it once on my own, so I'm ahead of the game there. I'm just reviewing it at this point. Mr. Pinter in metal shop is moving me ahead so I can start arc welding already. I was afraid I'd be behind things when I first started school out here, but it's all been a breeze."
"Don't get complacent," said Bekka. "In your senior year everyone will have caught up with you, and you're gonna have to work again. And on that note, I need to go up and shower. I smell of dick."
"Lucky you!" said Jane.
"Quiet, Gator Bait. It's all in a day's work."
Bekka went upstairs. After she'd gone, Jane took her place in my lap. She said, "And once I get Lance broken in, maybe I'll stop trying to think of ways to fuck you."
"That I don't get," I said. "I mean, what's so appealing about me?"
"It's obvious. Bekka has sex all day, but you're the one that satisfies her. You must be doing something really right."
I sighed. "We've told you a thousand times, what Bekka does isn't sex, it's performance. I wish you were of age so you could sit in on a shoot and see what I mean."
"Still...." Jane giggled. "Don't discount yourself, Lenny. You have a lot of appeal."
"Yeah, I'm Patrick Swayze and John Holmes all wrapped up in one package."
"Did John Holmes really have a sixteen inch dick?"
"Fourteen inches, yes. That's documented. Also, he couldn't get the damn thing hard without passing out unless he was lying flat on his back. His dick drew too much blood away from his brain."
Jane got a pouty look. "Oh. That sucks."
I asked, "What the hell would you want with fourteen inches anyway? As a practical matter, that would be painful."
"Yeah, but it would be fun to play with anyway."
"Until the guy falls on top of you in a dead faint."
Jane laughed and got out of my lap. "That's one of my goals in life. To make a guy come so hard he passes out. Hey, can I hook a beer?"
"Let's go upstairs and wait for Bekka to get out of the shower. I'm sure she could use one too. All three of us can have a beer."
We headed up. On the way up the stairs, Jane said, "Don't tell Bekka I was sitting in your lap, okay? I don't feel like being slapped again."
I chuckled at this. "I don't want you slapped either, pet. And the simplest solution is to not sit in my lap."
"I know. Don't worry, once I have Lance trained I won't be such a pest."
We got up into the penthouse. Out of force of habit, Jane began puttering around in the kitchen area, filling the pasta pot with water and slicing up a loaf for garlic bread. She snacked on the box of croutons while she did this bit of prep. "Anything I can do to help?" I asked.
"Don't worry about it," Jane said. "Me and Bekka got this covered. Besides, Bekka says you could burn water."
"Bullshit," I replied. "I make a mean omelette."
"Just help with dishes afterwards, like usual."
"We have a machine. Not like it's a real challenge."
Bekka came out of the bathroom. I grabbed us all bottles of Anchor Steam and we settled in the conversation pit.
"So, how did it go?" asked Bekka. "I can see you're just bursting with the urge to fuck and tell."
"Well!" said Jane, pulling off her beer. "I asked him at school how attached he was to his virginity. If he was holding onto it for his own reasons, I didn't want to interfere. He got real nervous, so I told him to relax, it's the most natural thing in the world, and we'd take it easy and slow his first time. That calmed him down some, but I could tell he was still kinda worked up."
"No surprise there," I said. "Actually scheduling losing one's virginity would be a definite twist in one's day."
"Anyway, we came back here, and I got naked for him. It was the first time he'd seen a girl live and naked. We fooled around some, then I showed him what to do and how to do it. He actually lasted a while, I was surprised. He wanted to try going down on me, so I gave him some instructions. He actually made me come! I'm so happy!"
"Do you think this will be a regular thing?" asked Bekka.
"I think so. I hope so. It's a good way of ending the school day, you know?" Jane drank more beer. "He was happy and relaxed all the way home, so that's a good sign. He doesn't have any regrets about fucking the gator bait punk rock chick at school."
Bekka said, "I guess the big question is whether he is what you want. Is he, pet?"
"I think so. He's smart and funny and sweet, we get along well, and I know I can turn him into an excellent lover. Oh, um, there is one problem."
"What's that?" I asked.
Jane blushed. "His parents want to meet you guys at some point. I explained to them that you're my friends and house mates, not my legal guardians, but that seemed to only make them want to meet you more."
Bekka said, "No problem, we'll do dinner together at some point in the near future. How much have you told them about us?"
"Just your names and ages, which surprised them, and that you do video production for a living, and are successful at it. I don't want to spoil things, and I know it would freak them out, so I didn't say what kind of video you make. I don't know how to explain that to normal people."
"That's all right, we don't either. It's a touchy subject. How much have you explained to Lance?"
"Just that y'all make adult video, and I left it at that. He seemed kind of confused, but he didn't ask any questions. That was fine with me. How do you explain it?"
"Depends on who we're talking to," I said. "Like that family we were in line with at Knott's? Shit, I'm never going to see them again, I could care less what they think of me, so it doesn't bother me to tell them straight up, 'I produce porn.' With Lance's family, I'd just as soon ease into it, or avoid the subject entirely. Saying I do video production is about right. Hopefully they assume that means I shoot wedding videos and don't ask questions I don't have polite answers to. In Bekka's case, it's even harder. I mean, what if Lance's stepdad reads Penthouse and recognizes her?"
"Yeah, my fame isn't always a good thing," said Bekka. "It was hard enough being recognized on the street from my Penthouse and Hustler photo shoots and being asked for autographs. Like it or not, how people judge you can affect your life. Us getting our home loan for the new house was rocky, because loan officers don't consider being a porn star to be a steady job. Both our incomes were constantly being called into question."
"What are you going to say to Lance's folks?" asked Jane.
I said, "Give 'em the line about video production and change the subject. It may be hard, with Lance's stepdad being a cop. We've told you about that cop Donner that hates us. Well, if Detective Ross and him are friends, things might be a little dicey. Ross was instructed by Donner to keep an eye on us when we're in Encinitas, so Donner probably filled in Ross as to what our lives are like, including how we earn a living. Hopefully that's not the case."
Bekka added, "We don't want to fuck up your budding relationship. When the subject comes up, we'll be as gentle and as diplomatic as possible. We want this to go right for you. When do you want us to meet them?"
Jane said, "Sooner rather than later. Lance has been coming over here every day for a week and a half now, and his folks want to get to know me better. I want to convince them I'm not just runaway Florida gator bait. That it's okay for me to be around their son."
"Find out when they have a free night next week. We'll take them out to Evelyn's for dinner. Speaking of dinner, I'm gonna start cooking ours now. Lenny, we're low on beer, could you run to the liquor store?"
"No problem," I said.
"I'll drive," Jane volunteered.
"Sounds good. Do you want anything new for your lunches, or are you still happy with your diet of Slimfast and Snickers?"
"I'm good. If I want something more, I just leave campus and hit that taco stand."
Jane and I went downstairs and out to the Cutlass. She drove, and I continued to be pleased with her skills. She decided that her current lunch diet wasn't that great (duh), so we opted for hitting the Safeway, where we could get Anchor Steam, Tecaté, and apples. She also went down the magazine aisle to grab the latest copy of Thrasher.
We got in line behind another teenage girl and her mother. Jane leaned forward and tapped the girl on the shoulder, saying, "Melissa?"
The girl turned around and said, "Oh. Um, Jane, right?"
"Yeah. Or Gator Bait, whichever you prefer." Jane was wearing her alligator pants again, so it suited.
Jane said, "Lenny, this is Melissa from my English class. Melissa, this is the man I live with."
Melissa's mom had turned to see who was talking. She gave both me and Jane a cold appraising eye. She said, "Hello, I'm Anne Wallace, Melissa's mother. And you are?"
I said, "I'm Lenny Schneider, and this is Jane, Jane Osborne. I guess her and Melissa share an English class."
"I see. And you two are living together? Jane, where is your father?"
"My parents are back in Florida," Jane said. "We weren't getting along, so they threw me out and I came here to California. Now I live with Lenny and his wife."
"Why didn't you stay in Florida?" asked Mrs. Wallace.
"I wanted to try my luck out here. My luck has been good. Lenny and Bekka, his wife, took me in, I got emancipated, and I'm back in school."
Melissa said, "Why do you want to be called Gator Bait, anyway?"
"I'm swamp trash from Gainesville. The swamps are where you go to party, so it just fit. What's your nickname, anyway?"
"I don't have one."
Jane seemed surprised. "Oh. Okay."
Mrs. Wallace said to me, "So, um, Mr. Schneider, what do you do?"
I said, "I, uh, I run a video production company."
"Is it work you enjoy?"
Jane giggled and said, "Who wouldn't?"
I elbowed her and said, "Enough, pet. Yeah, I enjoy it. It's stressful a lot of the time, but I have fun. How about you?"
She gave me a haughty look and said, "I take care of my children. My husband works at General Dynamics."
"Good gig," I shrugged.
Jane said to Melissa, "So are you ready for the mid-book review of 1984?"
"I guess. Are you?"
"Yeah. I already know the book, so this is just a review. Do you like rats?"
Melissa looked shocked. "Um, no. Why?"
Jane gave her an evil grin. "You're gonna hate the ending of this book, then."
Melissa's mom deigned to speak to me again. Looking me up and down, she asked, "Mr. Schneider, I must ask, why are you carrying a gun?"
"Oh, whoops!" I said. I'd forgotten to button up my jacket leaving the house. I began doing so, concealing my Beretta. "Well, I'm responsible for security where I work, and, well, you can't be too safe these days. I have the permits, so I just leave the thing on."
"Are you a cop?" asked Melissa.
"No, farthest thing from it."
Jane giggled again. "I can't wait to turn eighteen. Daddy here is buying one for me," she told Melissa and Mrs. Wallace.
"We said we'd discuss it," I said. "No promises. Besides, I want you proficient at shooting first, so you'd better get used to hitting the range with me and Bekka on Sundays, instead of lying around by the pool."
Frowning, Jane said, "Let me spend more time working out with you Beretta instead of Bekka's little Colt. I want serious firepower."
"Okay, I promise."
The Wallace groceries were all totaled up. Mrs. Wallace swiped her ATM card and turned to me again. "Did she just call you daddy?" she asked.
"Yeah, just a nickname," I said. Jane didn't help things by wrapping herself around my right leg and grinding against me, giving off an I'm-so-naughty smile.
"My father may be in Florida, but Lenny is my daddy!" Jane said with a giggle I was used to hearing on the sound stages.
"Gator Bait, you're a naughty girl. Untangle yourself so I can pay for our shit." Mrs. Wallace looked at our purchases --- beer, apples, and a skateboard magazine --- and flipped her hair.
"Well.... Nice meeting you. I guess you'll be at the parent/teacher conferences."
"Yeah, me and my wife. Have a happy one," I replied.
On our way out to the car, I say to Jane, "You realized we probably scared the shit out of those two, right?"
Jane flounced up to the Cutlass and said, "Yeah, but she's a cheerleader. Let her be scared of me. I'll get left alone that way."
And wouldn't you know it, the Wallaces are parked across from us, carefully loading their groceries in the back of an Audi. I wished them a good night again, and received a cautious "Good night" in return. Jane and I put our purchases in the trunk of the Cutlass and left.
"So I guess Melissa isn't on your short list of people to invite over for dinner, huh?" I asked.
"No. I'd rather have her scared of me, like I said."
"High school pecking order hasn't changed a damn bit since I was in," I grumbled as Jane piloted us out onto the street.
"Were cheerleaders all bitches when you were in school?" Jane asked.
"Yeah."
Jane gripped the wheel, driving more aggressively than normal. "They haven't changed. It's better to have them think you're willing to rip their throats out than think you're a pushover. They really are bitches. Bitches who don't give up their pussy, no matter what. From what I understand, they're good cocksuckers, though."
"They're keeping those football players satisfied somehow," I said. "So how do you rate as a cocksucker?"
Jane smiled and put a hand on my thigh. "I could make a dead man come. Want a demo?"
I removed her hand and said, "Bekka makes me see stars. Just by dint of the difference in age, she'll have you beat."
"I'll just have to practice on Lance. He may be my first victim in rendering a man unconscious."
"Always good to have goals at a young age," I said. We zipped home and brought our purchases upstairs. Dinner was ready a few minutes later.
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