Friday, March 17, 2017

Freshman (Part 11)

     Jane was walking down South Drive on the UCB campus, heading for her American Literature class at Wheeler Hall.  As she went past South Hall, two dudes emerged from the trees between the two halls.  Classic bros, wearing ironed Levis and sweatshirts with Greek lettering.  They had the sort of good looks that the models in a JC Penney's catalog have, generic Caucasians.  They were as memorable as a city bus.  Jane briefly considered them as they walked towards her, she assumed they'd dodged down there to smoke a quick joint.  She poked a Newport in her mouth, planning on lighting it at the front of the building.

     She adjusted her position slightly so they could pass.  They moved the same direction.  She adjusted again, and so did they.  Jane's hackles went up.  She slid her hand into her purse, hanging by its long strap going from her left shoulder to her right hip.  At twenty feet away, the shorter of the two said loudly, "Whassup, bitch?"
     "How's life, stupid?" Jane responded.  They were walking directly at her, almost shoulder to shoulder.
     The three of them stopped when they were about three feet apart.  Jane had spent enough time in slam pits that she wasn't worried about bashing straight into them, she'd aim between the two and lead with her left shoulder, if she had to.  The taller one said, "Fuckin' weirdo cunt, you got a major attitude problem."
     "Yeah, I know.  I can get affidavits proving it.  What's your point?"  Jane's hand, still in her purse, was holding her butterfly knife.
     "You need to drop out of school at Berkeley, cunt, things here are too hard for you.  Get the fuck off our campus,  'Stupid fuckin' weirdo."
     Both of the bros (Jane had named them Frick and Frack, the taller one being Frack) had identical lettering.  Jane processed the letters as a triangle, the letter T, and an O with a vertical line through it.  Delta Tau Theta.  Her roommate Kaitlyn had been right, she'd made the Enemies list at that fraternity.  She smirked and lit her cigarette, then asked, "Let me guess, you're friends of a jackoff named Rex?"
     Frick responded, "Rex is our bro, and hos never fuck with bros.  You even look like a fuckin' ho, stupid cunt trash."
     Jane blew smoke in Frick's face and replied, "Your buddy needs to think before using his mouth.  He speaks out of turn.  Look where it got him, dropped by some psycho bitch who lives in his building.  Step to the side, boys, I'm coming through."
     "You don't tell us what to do, bitch," said Frack.  "We're gonna tell you what to do, though.  You're not going to your stupid freshman Am. Lit. class, you're headed to the Enrollment office to tell them you're dropping out of the entire UC system.  Then you're going back to your room and packing, and then you're calling Mommy and Daddy to have them come and get you.  Bitch, if you're anywhere in the city of Berkeley in twenty-four hours, If you're not, you're gonna wish you were dead."
     Jane considered the two of them silently, then said, "You know, children, you really, really don't want to threaten me.  It's a bad idea.  So, I'll wish I was dead, huh?  Why won't I just be dead?  Don't you little boys have the stones to snuff people on your darling little Enemies list?  Now get the fuck out of my way, you pukes.  You're getting on my nerves."
     Frick and Frack looked at each other, then they smirked at Jane.  "That's right, Rex said you think you're tough," said Frick.  "Dumb bitch, we'll put you on the Theta train, we'll have fun with you for a while.  You got three holes, you can handle a few of us at a time.  All of us, plus selected friends.  When we're done with you, you're gonna decide working San Pablo Avenue as a whore is a good idea, 'cos the only thing you'll be good for is a dartboard for dicks."
     Frack said to his bro, "If she's so tough, we'd better start softening her up now.  This cunt is stupid enough to not follow instructions from her superiors, she might think she can stay at Berkeley and get through her freshman year in one piece.  Just a stupid fuckin' weirdo cunt.  Let's get her between the buildings, we can give her some encouragement."  He stepped towards Jane.
     Jane shot out a foot and drove it into Frack's shin.  He stepped back, grunting.  Frick came forward, and Jane punched him in the chest.  Frack hissed, "Fuckin' cunt," and came towards her again.  Jane pulled her hand out of her purse and flipped the butterfly knife open and swung it in an arc at Frack's stomach, then pivoted.  He saw the blade and dodged back with a look of surprise.  Frick came up again, and Jane swung the knife towards him, the blade plunging into his upper arm.  Jane yanked it out.  Frick had felt the blade go in, and was confused.  His brain hadn't registered that Jane had a knife, so he didn't understand why his arm suddenly hurt.  Then he looked at the arm and saw blood beginning to dribble.  He shrieked like a girl, standing there and staring at Jane.  Frack was also staring.  This was not the sort of response they were usud to getting from bitches.
     In wide-eyed shock, Frick croaked "Oh my God, you..... stabbed me!"
     "That's right, you dumb motherfucker," Jane replied.  "I'll repeat myself: do not threaten me.  None of you Greek pud-knocks.  You pull me off that list of yours.  Rex ran his mouth at me,and he got what he deserved.  It was just between us two, no one else.  I told his roommate I wasn't gonna hold a grudge....  But I guess he did want to carry one, otherwise I wouldn't have two fraternity cum-boys getting in my face.  Fuck off, both of you. I'll call it quits if you all will, and if you won't, you're digging your own graves.  You're not the only people with bros."
     "We gotta go to a hospital," grunted Frack.  Both frat boys began loping up South Drive.  When they were about twenty yards away, Jane heard Frack yell, "You're dead, cunt!  You've got the whole chapter on your dumb ass now!  You're dead!"  Jane shook her head and went into Wheeler Hall.
     After class, she headed straight home, but by a circuitous route.  It was obvious to her the frat boys had done a bit of collective stalking, watching her to figure out her schedule, locations, and routes.  She hadn't been rotating routes, like government spooks do.  Why would she?  Jane Osborne of Encinitas, California was a freshman at the University of California, Berkeley.  Who did she have to hide from?
     At the moment, she was regretting the blue mohawk. Jane was an easy person to spot.  To foil anyone assigned to follow her from campus to home, she walked down to Oxford St. and then towards Dwight Way.  She stopped at the corner of Dwight and Fulton, leaning against an outside wall of an apartment building and watching.  She stood there ten minutes and didn't see anything unusual.  She sighed and went to her building.
     Kaitlyn was home when she walked in.  Jane announced, "Your friend Rex up on the third floor is dumber than a sack of hammers.  I told him we were done, so far as I was concerned.  I guess his porr widdle feewings were hurt when the mean girl punched him.  He had a couple of his Delta Tau bros stashed outside Wheeler Hall, watching for me.  They threatened my, I told them to fuck off.  They tried to grab me, I stabbed one of them in the arm.  He's probably at Alta Bates getting sewn up right now. I'll be back in a few, I've gotta explain a few realities of life to this Rex motherfucker.  It's only polite to let him know a bro went to the hospital today, because of me."  She started to head back towards the door.
     Behind her, Kaitlyn snickered and said, "He's not there.  He's sharing a room with someone at his chapter house while they take care of you. He figured you'd try and start shit again, so he'll be there until you're gone."
     "Where am I going?" Jane asked.
     "Wherever.  But you'll leave UCB, otherwise your life will be hell.  You should probably call your porno friends to come and get you, it's a long drive from where you live."
     "Uh huh," Jane commented slowly.  She stared at the coffee table, thinking, then said, "Well, I guess there's nothing else for it.  Kaitlyn, may I have the room for a private call, please?"
     "Yeah," smirked Kaitlyn.  "It'll be nice to have this place all to myself for the rest of the semester."
     "What are you talking about?  I'm not going anywhere."
     "You're totally nits.  You can't buck the entire Delta Tau house.  Look, the more stubborn you act, the worse things are gonna be in the end, okay?"
     Jane considered Kaitlyn and replied, "Yeah.... Well, the Sunshine Boys who greeted me this afternoon already told me they had a good, solid gang rape planned for me if I'm not gone in twenty-four hours.  Fucking idiots.  The way you act, it would seem like they've pulled this shit before."
     "Oh my God, you are so stupid," said Kaitlyn.  "Never fuck with any of the fraternities on campus.  They'll come after you, the entire house  They'll make your life not worth living, okay?"  She paused and refreshed her smirk.  "Just think of being at Berkeley as an experiment that failed.  You don't belong here, everybody knows that.  Now even you know it.  Go back to San Diego and find a nice community college to attend."
     With a calm voice and a smile, Jane said to Kaitlyn, "Shut your dumb motherfucking mouth, you stupid worthless slut-hole.  I'm not in the mood for your whiny-ass elitist bullshit at the moment.  I've got a call or two to make, get the fuck out of here before I put your dizzy goddamn skull through a wall.  Go."
     Kaitlyn took a moment to scowl at Jane, then went out.  Jane went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Anchor Steam, which she put down in under a minute.  She belched, then dialed a friend in Oakland.

     Jane explained the situation to Riley over the phone, and asked what would be involved with using the, ah, professional services of the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels.  Riley pondered a moment, then said, "Buy a few rounds at the bar.  You're tight with Dago, and Dago is tight with us, and you're a friend of mine.  This is just the club offering a bit of assistance to someone who's held in esteem by various California chapters.  I'm gonna come and get you, we'll head for the clubhouse and knock around ideas.  See you around 6:30."
     At just past six, the phone rang.  Kaitlyn answered it, then called for Jane.  Picking up the receiver, Jane was expecting to hear Riley on the other end.  Instead, a muffled voice said, "Hey whore, you better be gone by tomorrow, fucking slut, you actually might like partying like that, wouldn't you, getting choked with dicks all day and all night, you'd get to suck down gallons of cum, you'd love it, you fucking ugly slut."
     Jane, replied, "No, no, keep going.  Maybe you'll say something interesting at some point."
     "You stupid fucking cunt, you're through at Berkeley.  Stay out of Berkeley, and the whole UC system, nobody wants ugly white trash whores like you around, you'd better like pulling a train, you dumb little..."
     Cutting him off, Jane responded, "Such lovely sentiments.  I'd always heard the Greek fraternal system produced gentlemen, and here' my proof.  With your word skills, you should get a job at Hallmark.  Now suck my dick, little boy, I'm busy. I've got a paper due Friday."
     "You won't be around on Friday.  If you're still in Berkeley, it's because you're chained up someplace private, where all us bros and all our friends arg gonna fuck every hole in your body until you've got cum oozing...."
     "Really, I did pass on warnings to leave me alone.  I'm not being left alone.  Oh well, it was your choice."  Jane hung up.  The phone rang again almost immediately.  Jane told Kaitlyn to not bother answering it, and unplugged the cord from the wall socket.
     At 6:20, Jane went out front to have a cigarette and wait for Riley.  Every other outlaw biker on the planet will be late for their own funeral, Riley showed up early.  A side effect of working in courtrooms, where you never, ever, ever want to make a judge wait on you.  Leaning against the wall next to the door, Jill watched some guy goof down Dwight street.  Two minutes later, the same guy came back the opposite direction.  And two minutes later, back up again, only this time he crossed Dwight in the middle of the block and began walking towards Jill.  She straightened up and got her hand in her purse, grasping the butterfly knife.  The goofball was wearing Ray-Bans, a Cal t-shirt, shorts, and Air Jordans.  He was holding something wrapped in a paper grocery bag.  As he got closer, Jane saw he also had a screwdriver in the same hand.
     The goofball walked straight up towards Jane.  When he was fifteen feet away, he said, "Jane Osborne?  How convenient, I have a present for you."  He began to remove the bucket-shaped object from the paper.  Jane got right up to him, spinning the knife open as she moved.  This disturbed the goofball, now Jane was toe to toe with him and holding a knife....  Which she was jabbing into his windpipe.  The grocery bag fell away.  The bucket-shaped object was....  a bucket.
     Jane kept eyeing the goofball.  He was frozen, for the time being.  Jane said, "Well, don't keep me is suspense, what am I getting?"
     He didn't respond.  Jane glanced downward at the bucket.  It held dark red liquid, and Jane could just detect a familiar metallic odor.  Jane continued on, "Oh, a bucket of blood.  How nice.  I'm sorry, but my roommate already has one, and I borrow hers if I need to."  Jane jabbed a little harder against the windpipe.  "Okay, I'm guessing someone saw the movie 'Carrie,' and thought it was a boffo idea, drenching someone with blood. What kind of animal is it from?  Cows, sheep, pigs, Foreign Language majors?"
     The goofball decided to throw caution to the wind and bolt.  Jane adjusted the height of the knife blade and slashed at his face, feeling contact.  The goofball squawked and started sprinting  up Dwight Way, headed uphill.  He was still carrying the bucket of blood.  This fact struck him near Ellsworth St., and he threw it into the intersection as he ran on.  Jane stopped running, then turned back toward her residence hall.  She got back to to the front door as she h.ard a Harley-Davidson coming up Dwight from Shattuck Ave.  Moments later, Riley pulled up.
     Riley got off his putt and came over to give Jane a hug.  "How's things, Gator Bait?" he asked.  "What's new?"
     "Let's see," said Jane.  "An abusive phone call, and some jackoff with a bucket of blood who's intent was to soak down me and my room."  She shook her head.  "I warned them to let it lie, and leave me alone.  Oh well, these are the sort of dudes who have huge issues with women.  They always hated that their mothers would tell them to do things, and they had to do them.  They've refused to listen to a woman since."
     "Huh," said Riley.  "All right.  So you cut someone this afternoon and told them it was game over, and they ignored you.  It's gonna take some serious adjustment of attitudes for us to make ourselves clear.  I think I know how to handle this.  We're gonna go to the clubhouse and have a confab with some of the boys, we're gonna have fifteen Angels, including myself.  You'll be along, too, we need some individuals fingered, and you'll recognize 'em.  We want to be fairly quick, our presence in the neighborhood is sure to be noticed.  But we also want to be thorough, and make sure the lesson is learned.  Let's cut out."
     Jane strapped her helmet on and got on the back of Riley's putt.  He shot up Dwight to Piedmont Ave., then south to Ashby.  He headed up the hill and got on a freeway Jane hadn't seen before, the 13. Jane was impressed by just how scenic it seemed to be.  At 98th Ave, Riley exited,going west then turning north on MacArthur Blvd.  He pulled into what had been an AAMCO transmission franchise.  Now, the building was painted black, with red doors, bay doors, and trim.  A sign on the front read, "Hells Angels M.C. -- Oakland Chapter."  There were about twenty putts sitting around outside.  Riley led Jane through a pedestrian door.
     The inside was set up like a giant barroom and lounge.  There were three pool tables, two in use.  Angels lounged around, steeped in conversation.  Some voices called greetings to Riley.  Jane was scrutinized: hey, a fresh-looking young thing, and goddamn, with a blue mohawk.  And she's Riley's guest.  Whoa, shit.  That ginch is definitely off-limits.  Riley walked to the bar, then turned and faced the crowd, guiding Jane to stand next to him.
     He hollered, "Hey, you goddamn perverts!  Listen up!"  The Angels got quiet.  "Okay, this is
Gator Bait.  Some of you may recognize her from last year's Labor Day run.  She's in tight with the Dago chapter, and she needs our help, so we're gonna help her.  She's been getting harassed by the jackoffs from one of those fraternity houses at UC Berkeley...."  The room filled with boos and catcalls.  "... and although she can take care of herself, there's one Gator Bait versus about forty frat boys.  She worked goddamn hard to get into Berkeley, and these puds are trying to run her off."
     Riley went on to explain about Jane decking Rex, the fraternity Enemies list, the three incidents so far that day, and the threats made against her.  Riley continued, "So we've got these Greek geeks, these fuckin' rich brats threatening a friend of the club, telling her she's gonna get kidnapped and gang raped if she's still in Berkeley tomorrow night.  Fuck that shit.  We gotta get a message across, loud and clear, no room for debate.  These little puds need to learn you don't fuck around with a friend of Red and Black, and if anything happens to Gator Bait that makes her unhappy, we'll have to visit again.  And we won't be in as good of a mood.  Okay, let's huddle up."
     The Angels gathered around the pool tables.  Someone produced a large pad of paper and a marker.  Riley had done a bit of recon work, locating the frat house and noting the layout.of the place.  He drew a sketch of the layout.  Various ideas were proposed on how to get the message through.  Riley reminded them that because of the area, fifteen H.A. on putts arriving at once would definitely be noticed, so this would have to be a short visit.  One guy suggested, "Fuck it, let's just wait until about three in the morning, then have four or five guys do a torch job.  Put the fuckin' place to the ground."
     "Yeah, but unless we sign our names to the work, there'll be a shadow of doubt, the message may not get through," said another voice.
     After about forty minutes, a game plan was laid out.  It would be tight, it would be quick, and it would be fairly brutal.  The message would get across, in no uncertain terms: Jane Osborne will be left alone by the Delta Tau house, and also by every other Greek jerk-off den at Berkeley.  The Angels were glad to help.  It wasn't business, it was for a righteous cause, helping keep that rockin' chick from Dago safe, the one who lives with fuckin' Becky Page.  Yeah, this is the right thing to do, instill some manners in a load of frat brats.  Fuck yeah.
     Riley, Jane, and two other Angels went to an office room off to one side, where Riley opened up a large metal cabinet, almost as big as a closet and made of thick sheet metal.  The three Angels began grabbing what they needed for the job.  Then, they went out for another beetr, waiting for the time to take off.

     Around 10:45 p.m. sixteen customized Harley Davidson motorcycles blatted down Piedmont Ave. in Berkeley, turning up the hill on Channing Way.  Th\y all aimed at a large brick structure, somewhat ornate in design, with Roman columns in front.  The putts were ridden onto the lawn and turned so they were ready to go again.  In about eight seconds, all the bikes were anchored and silent, the riders walking towards the front door.
     Jane had a sawed-off shotgun inside her leather.  Riley had one strapped across his back, underneath his colors.  Three other Angels had the same artillery.  Also present were collapsible billy clubs.  About half the Angels were wearing special police gloves: they had a strip of sand bag across the knuckles, it was like having a sap attached to your fist.  Riley got to the front door, Jane at his side, the rest of the Angels behind them.  Riley unstrapped his sawed-off and used the butt to bang on the door as loudly as possible.  He kept banging until the door swung open.
     A rather bleary-looking frat bro blinked out at Riley, stupefaction on his face.  Whether this was a natural state for the face, or it had to do with the bro having started drinking around ten that morning was unclear.  He looked at Riley and said, "Uh.... Whassup?"
     Riley pushed the bro back into the house and gestured for the Angels to come on in.  Riley grabbed the bleary bro and said, "House meeting, right now.  All of you sacks of shit will be present, no exceptions. And the first one of you pukes I wanna see is a guy named Rex.  Get going, Chester, we don't have all night."
     The bleary bro wasn't processing too well.  He only seemed vaguely aware of all the recent arrivals, and oblivious to their own fraternal organization.  His stupefied look now also contained annoyance.  He squinted at Riley, then focused on Jane.  He got more annoyed.  "Hey....  You're the cunt on our Enemies list!  What the fuck are you doing here, you dumb bitch?"
     With a vicious slap, Riley pulled the bro into his face and yelled,  Get everyone down here, now!  No dawdling!  And you bring some asshole named Rex directly to me!  Get the fuck going, pus-head!'"
     Bleary bro had the sudden realization that there were fifteen Hell's Angels standing in the main hall of the frat house.  And some of them have shotguns that had cut way back.  In fact, that Jane bitch from the list, has one too.  His eyes got big and he sprinted up the stairs.  Riley sent three Angels up to help roust people.  The Angels went up, yelling and hooting.  There was plenty of banging sounds, as door after door was kicked in on the second, then the third floor of the frat house.  The Angels then checked under beds and in closets for any bros hiding, dragging a couple out and into the hall.
     In just over two minutes, there was a collection of gold standard White Guys downstairs, in various stares of dress.  The bleary bro was also present.  Riley asked him where Rex was.  "Un.... I saw him come down..."
     "So point him out," said Riley.  Then he called, "Which one of you shit sacks is Rex?"  No response.  "Okay, fine, we'll take three of you and pull your fuckin' teeth out with pliers, just three of you random little brats.  You, you, and you, you're gonna lose about six or seven teeth each."  Riley instructed three of the Angels to grab the anonymous victims.  Then an individual was shoved forward by the crowd of bros, and a voice said, "That's Rex."
     Rex, Jane's third floor neighbor, stood there in sweats and a Corona t-shirt.  Riley gestured and said, "You know this young lady?"
     "Yeah," Rex muttered.
     Jane was standing next to Riley with the shotgun leveled at Rex's middle.  He was very conscious of this.  Jane said, "Didn't your roommate give you my message?  Did you get it or not?"
     Barely audible, Rex said, "Yeah, I got it."
     "All right.  And I guess you decided you didn't want a state of detente with me.  You wanted things to stay complicated.  They definitely are, aren't they?  You ran your mouth, abusing a man I love, the man who's raised me as his daughter for the last two years.  You talked shit, so I punched you, and then I even explained why I punched you.  And later, I felt bad about it, so I told you I didn't want any sort of feud with you, we'd both just let it drop.
     "But I guess you didn't let it drop, you put me on your fraternity's stupid Enemies list.  So today I've had two of your bros corner me and threaten to have me gang-raped if I stay at Berkeley, and try to grab me so they can, I dunno, beat me up or try to remember how to unhook a bra or something.  I got a threatening call at my place.  Some clown with a bucket of blood shows up at the residence hall, I guess to re-enact that one scene from 'Carrie.'  So this is how the frats spend their time and energy, huh?  How many members do you have here?"
     "Thirty-nine," came a helpful voice from the herd of bros.
     "So, thirty-nine to one," Jane commented.  "That's what frat boys consider a fair fight.  Well, gosh Rex, I have friends of my own, as you can see.  I told the assholes who cornered me at Wheeler Hall to back off, to not threaten me, it was a bad idea.  They should be more trusting when people tell them things."  Jane lit the Newport dangling from her mouth, still holding the sawed-off level.  Then she asked, "So why did you go ahead and make a big deal out of one punch?  Why did you decide to start shit with me?"
     With a surprising look of defiance, Rex replied, "'Cos you punched me in the face, you bitch!  I had some goddamn broad punch me in the face!  You think you can get away with shit like that?  I'm a Delta Tau, none of us are gonna put up with shit from any bitch, much less some blue-haired freak of a freshman!  You started this shit, it's your fault!"
     "No, you started it, when you insulted Lenny.  Saying you'd hoped someone had been killed, wishing death on someone, isn't a casual statement.  Especially considering how close Lenny did come to dying.  You said you wish a man I love was dead, and you didn't expect a response to that?  What the fuck sort of people are you used to dealing with?"
     Rex blew air out of his mouth and said in a somewhat snotty low voice, "Every other bitch I've ever known would have just whined at me and left, if she was so pissed off.  You punched me in the face!  You don't do that!"
     "Yeah?  Why not?" came an Angel's voice.  "You talk shit, you better expect a fuckin' response, stupid.  And if you're worried about what response you get, don't talk shit."
     Riley said, "Gator Bait, we got three more of these pukes to find.  Point 'em out."
     Jane walked into the crowd of frat boys, trailed by three Angels.  She spotted her would-be attackers from campus, and the guy with the blood.  Each one was grabbed by an Angel and brought forward.  The one Jane had stabbed in the arm was in a wife-beater t-shirt, so the small bandage over his stitches was visible.  Two of the three looked terrified, the third (Frick) stared at Jane with pure hatred.  He wanted to have an attitude, saying to Jane, "You're lucky, you dumb fuckin' bitch."
     "How so?" Jane asked, puffing her Newport.
     "You had that knife with you.  And you know... these dudes.  Bitch, you should be back in your room packing, getting ready to leave Berkeley!  You fucked with Delta Tau, and nobody does that!  We take care of our own!  Me and Hank should have just ambushed you on a weekend night outside your place, we'd have taught you a lesson you'd never forget, and you'd have listened to your betters, like you should have!  God, how did fucking white trash like you even get into this school?  You don't belong at Berkeley...."
     Most of the Angels were in strategic spots in the room, while a few more were just hanging out, keeping an eye on the bros.  One of these, whose front batch announced his name was Hunchback, walked up to Frick with a thin cigar in his mouth.  He blew smoke in Frick's face and said, "Who the fuck are you to say who should and shouldn't go to Berkeley?  I met Gator Bait last year on our run to Pismo, she's fuckin' smart as hell and she's got her shit together?  Come on, tell me why the fuck she shouldn't go to school here.  I wanna know."
Frick and Hunchback were about the same size, and it would seem Frick had some balls.  He responded, "Aw, Jesus Christ.  It's bad enough this city is goddamn freak show, UCB doesn't need freaks too.  Berkeley is a good school, why the hell should everybody have to put up with white trash bitches with mohawks running around, they're just taking up space that should have gone to somebody with some class, someone who'd do something with their degree!  Look at her, she'll just be the whore she looks like.  What the fuck would a whore need a quality education for?  All she did was deny a place at UCB to one of her betters.  Lower-class proles like her make me sick, the only thing a cunt like her is good for is a quick ten dollar blowjob after work.  She should know her place, and stay there, and not be trying to associate with her superiors."
     Riley was staring at Frick in amazement and mirth.  He actually had something resembling a smile on his slightly open mouth, and his eyebrows were raised high.  He started cackling with laughter.  "Holy fuckin' shit.  Jesus fuckin' Christ.  I didn't know they built people like you in this country, least of all in California.  A fucking upper-class snob, my God.  You should have been born in goddamn India in the 1700s to a rich family, you'd have loved the caste system."
     Riley walked up to Frick, Hunchback stepping to one side.  Riley smiled at Frick, then slapped him in the face.  "You just got a bitch-slap from white trash."  He slapped Frick again.  "Hey, it happened again."  Slap.  "You've got one of the lower classes treating you like shit...."  Slap.  "... and you're just standing there."  Slap.  "I must not know my place, huh?" Slap.
     Then Riley grabbed his shotgun with both hands and swung the butt onto the juncture of Frick's neck and shoulder.  Frick hit the ground.  Riley looked down at him and said, "You dumb-ass fucking spoiled rich kid.  You elitist piece of shit.  Are you an American?"  No answer.  Riley yelled, "Are you an American?"
     "Yes," Frick muttered.
     "Then you ought to know that in America, everyone is supposed to get an equal shot at the brass ring.  It's not supposed to matter who your daddy is, or what your family name is, or how much goddamn money your family has.  If you've got the chops and the brains and the talent and the drive, you're supposed ot be able to get ahead in this country.  Gator Bait has all that, so she's a student at Berkeley, because she wanted to be.  They don't ask for family lineage when you apply to enroll.  That's probably a disappointment to you.  It's because of dumb motherfuckers like you assholes that there's still fuckin' Commies in the world.  Here, I've got a message from us blue-collar scumbags...."  Riley kicked him in the face, then said to Hunchback, "Get him upright. We're wasting time."
     Riley called four Angels up, who stood next to the four frat bros Jane had fingered.  Jane stood in front of the four and smiled.  "You know how you're going to repay me for having to put up with your bullshit?  You're going to help me make some jewelry."
     All four stared in confusion.  Frack said, "Huh?"
     "I want a new necklace, and you're going to help me make it.  When it's done, I'm gonna wear it every day, it'll be a a piece of jewelry I'm going to be very proud of.  My only regret is whoever made the threatening call to me earlier can't be easily found, we just don't have the time to interrogate you all.  Oh well.  Anyway, we'll get started.  Gentlemen?"
     Two Angels grabbed Frack, turned him around, and forced him to his knees.  Jane announced to the rest of the bros, "You're going to remain still, and you're not going to make a fucking sound.  You're just going to watch."  The two Angels grabbed Frack's head, prying his jaws open. A third Angel stepped up to Frack, pulling a pair of pliers out of his pocket.  Then he reached down, clamped the pliers onto one of Frack's teeth, and gave a yank.  Frack bellowed with pain as the tooth was removed, blood dribbling down his lips and chin.  The sound of thirty-five frat boys all gasping at once filled the room.  The third Angel handed Jane the tooth, who pulled out an empty freezer bag and put the tooth in.
     Jane faced the horrified and nauseous spectators and said, "A bit of advice I was given while still in high school was, 'Never fuck with anyone you don't know.'  You assholes didn't know me.  But, you fucked with me anyway.  Now look."  She lit another cigarette and continued, "Consider this a lesson in manners.  Always use your best manners.  Always think before you speak. Always treat others with respect.  And always be a gentleman with the ladies.  We are girls, women, chicks, babes or whatever, but we aren't bitches or cunts or whores or sluts.  I've been addressed as all four today, by members of this fraternity.  Now look.  See where poor manners can get you?"  Then she started laughing, and kept laughing.  The Angel with the pliers had kept working, removing seven of Frack's front teeth, both upper and lower.  Corn on the cob was off the menu for a while in Frack's diet.
     When they were done with Frack, Frick was brought up next.  Jane stood right in front of him, then said,"I'd like to borrow the pliers for a moment,"  The Angel handed them over.  Jane bent down in front of Frick, whose face was one of sheer terror.  He still managed to gather enough moxie to hiss at Jane, "You fuckin' cunt."
     Jane titled her head to one side and said, "I guess your lesson in m manners will need some reinforcement.  Gentlemen, jaws, please."
     Frack's mouth was pried open, and Jane clamped on a tooth.  It took her about ten seconds to get it out, Jane working it back and forth to loosen it.  Frack bellowed the entire time.  When she had it out, she said, "Sorry, I don't have the upper body strength of this man.  He'll get the rest."  Jane handed the pliers over.
     When Frack was missing seven teeth, Jane told the Angels holding him, "Stand him up, and hold his arms behind him.  Frack was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and boxer shorts.  Jane knelt down in front of him and gave a sweet smile, saying, "This is how you like to see girls, right?  On their knees, in front of you? I have a little consolation prize for you."  She pulled Frack's shorts down, then got his dick in her mouth.  She began working it with her mouth.   Despite himself, Frack began to get hard.  A murmur went through both the frat boys and the Angels.
     After Frack was hard, Jane kept working on him, giving the best blowjob she knew how (which was really damn good).  She kept it up for a few minutes.  Her instincts told her Frack was getting close to coming.  She looked up at him and asked if he liked it, he responded in the affirmative.  She smiled sweetly again, got his dick back in her mouth, worked it briefly, then got him between her molars and bit down as hard as she could.  Frack screamed.  She waited a couple seconds, adjusted where his dick was, and did it again.  And then three more times.
     When she stopped and stood up, Frack was still making strange moaning, cawing noises.  He was shoved to one side, where he lay on the floor in a fetal position, holding his crotch with both hands.  And Angel called out, "Damn, Gator Bait, you play rough with your toys!"  All the Angels cracked up, the frat boys remained silent.  Jane said to the Angels, "A piece of advice, boys.  If you fight with your old lady, and afterwards she offers you a head job as an apology?  Don't take it.  She's still pissed off with you."  The Angels cracked up again.
     So the next two also had their dentistry done.  Before they started on the blood-bucket guy, Jane asked him, "So what was your plan?"
    Staring at Jane's ankles, he said, "Get up to your room.  Get you to open the door.  Throw it on you."  He paused.  "The smell when it gets into a carpet is something else, you could shampoo the carpet twenty times and it'll still be there."
     "Okay.  Thanks for letting me know."  Jane looked at the Angel with the pliers and said, "Just six from him.  He gave me an honest answer to to a question."  The blood guy actually gave Jane a look of gratitude.
     Before they took the teeth out of Rex, Jane said to him, "See, you took a personal beef --- one that I had offered to let drop --- and dragged your crew into it.  That's very bad policy, like if a cop had a fight with his wife, and had the entire force watching for her so they could write bogus tickets.  I offered to let the subject go, we'd just act like we'd never met at all.  Both your ego and your face would have been healed about the tame time, and it wouldn't have mattered.  I don't know if you were bugged because I'm a girl, or I'm of the lower classes, or what.  But you brought this on yourself.  And at the residence hall, we don't know each other.  You're just the roommate of a friend on the third floor, and we never talk, we barely know each other's names.  Tell me, were you really that bugged that I decked you?"
     Dull-eyed and resigned, Rex droned, "I got punched out, in my own room, by some crazy punk rock bitch, a nobody.  I'm a senior, I'm Delta Tau, my family is legacy in this fraternity."  He'd addressed this to the middle distance past Jane's knees.  He looked up at her and said, "You know Orowheat bread?  That's my family.  We live on Soledad, way up the hill, we don't have to put up with shit from crazy white trash bitches where we live.  The cops would arrest you just for walking down the street in my neighborhood.."
     Jane sighed and said, "And look where your sense of class entitlement has got you.  Okay, go ahead."  She stepped out of the way for Rex's extractions.
    They were finished.  The room smelled of blood and puke, five of the bros had tossed their cookies where they stood.  Riley addressed the bros.  I know you're just itching for us to leave, so you can ring Johnny Law.  Well, that would be about the stupidest thing you could ever do, and I'm sure you all have a long history of doing stupid things.  Okay, there's fifteen H.A. here.  Oakland chapter has sixty-five members on the rolls.  You get us cuffed and stuffed, you'll have fifty guys more than a little pissed off at you collection of circle-jerking rich brats.  Go ahead, call the cops.  But right after you hang up the phone, your only sane choice is to get in your cars and drive onto the Bay Bridge, where you'll get out of your cars and throw yourselves over the rail.  That way your death will be quick.  It won't be if the rest of the club gets a hold of you.
     "So, little boys, you learned a few lessons tonight.  Mind your manners, watch your tongue, and --- as Gator Bait pointed out --- never fuck with strangers.  By the way?  None of you know who this young lady is.  You've never seen her before.  She's just a fellow student.  And you will never, ever, at any point, take it into your empty fucking heads to get revenge on her.  Anything that happens to Gator Bait at UCB that makes her uncomfortable or scared, we're gonna attribute it to you dickheads.  And if anything drastic happens to her, well, you'd all just better shave your heads and join one of those isolationist cults in Texas.  Your lives will be over.  So go back to bed, and in the morning, go about your day like normal.  What you may think is bravery will just be suicidal idiocy, do you understand?  Don't try to fuck with us, and really don't try to fuck with Gator Bait.  And go get cancer.  Later, you pukes."  Riley headed for the door, the rest of the Angels filing out behind him.  Jane got on the bitch seat of Riley's putt.  Everyone mounted, fired up, and rolled out.
     Inside the fraternity house, thee was near silence.  Nobody could think of anything to say.  The faces were worn and dull with shock, traumatized faces, like those of mass shooting survivors.  They all began returning to their rooms.  Rex was sharing a room with another bro.  He was surprised, the bleeding had stopped sooner than he expected.  The two of them sat on their beds.  Finally Rex mumbled, "Um.... Sorry.  I didn't know what would happen.  I just thought she was some freshman punk rock chick."
     The other bro nodded silently.  After a few ticks, he said, "You know what?  I think we're kinda lucky.  Nothing like this has ever happened before.... And it could have.  What if someone on the list was the kid of a mafia family?  Or some Asian kid turns out to be Japanese, and his dad is Yazuka?  Fuck."
     More silence, then Rex said in his mush-mouth voice, "I think we should end the list.  I'm gonna be twenty-two and wearing fucking dentures because of it."  He waited a bit more.  "We thought we were tough.  We aren't.  We're a bunch of pussies.  Shit, we really are spoiled rich kids.  We got away with throwing our weight around because we didn't need to throw much to scare people at a place like Berkeley.  But not everyone at Berkeley is like us.  I never thought of that.  Some people are....  They're from different worlds, shit we've never had to deal with.  Fuck it, I'm not gonna ever pretend I'm as tough as a Hell's Angel.  None of us are."
     After more silence, the other bro asked, "What are you gonna do about your mouth?"
    "Hit the ER at Alta Bates in the morning.  I'll skip my labs.  See if I need to be stitched up or something, and ask about replacing the teeth."
     :"What are you gonna tell 'em happened?"
     Rex pondered, then managed a chuckle.  "I'll say I got jumped in Oakland by insane crackheads.  Something like that.  I'm not gonna tell 'em the truth."  He shuddered and said, "Oh fuck, dude, what if we'd actually done some serious shit to that chick?  Hurt her, or made her pull a train?  Dude....  We could be dead right now.  They did this to us over us hassling that bitch a little?  God, if we'd actually laid a hand on her.... Fuck dude, we'd totally be dead now."
     The other bro went wide-eyed.  "Oh.... Oh holy shit.  You're right.  Dude, I'm putting a notice on the front door for a mandatory house meeting tomorrow night.  We've gotta stop fucking around.  The Enemies list has been fun, but.... Shit.  Now we know what can happen.  We were fucking with someone for fun, and....  look what happened.  Who knows what connections someone else may have."
     "God, I'm just glad I'm not Neil.  I'm never asking a chick to suck me off again in my life, and if they offer, I'm turning 'em down."  A pause.  "That chick is psycho.  Seriously. Look who's she's friends with.  Look at what she did to Neil.  Jesus, starts giving him what looked like one hell of a blowjob, and.... Oh, fuck, my dick just hurts thinking about it.  To me, she's even scarier than those bikers.  To do....  that?  Damn, when she dies in sixty years, they''ll go through her house and find, like, the bodies of thirty-eight people buried in the basement or something."
     "No.  She's a Haas student, for Christ's sake.  In twenty years she'll have cornered the market on military weapons sales, and will be demanding the United States give her Florida in exchange for opening up sales again."

     At the H.A. bar on East 14th St. in Oakland, the Angels were in a cheery, beery mood.  Jane had finished showing off her bag of teeth to those curious, explaining she'd get them clean and clear of tissue, then have a jeweler drill holes in them and use a thin silver chain as a string.  "Anyone asks me, I'll claim ignorance about where the teeth came from," she said.  "I'll tell them I bought it at the Coliseum swap meet.  They'll believe that."
     "Why the Coliseum swap meet?" someone asked.
     "Because not only is it in Oakland, it's in East Oakland.  Many of my fellow students think the Talmadge neighborhood is scary.  Let's just say they're very, very sheltered."
     Jane had simplified her life by simply giving the bartender $500 and telling him to serve anyone wearing the colors anything they wanted until the money was gone.  This was midweek, so the Angels weren't going to get hammered, but that sort of bread will buy a hell of a lot of Budweiser long-necks.  This was her first visit to the bar, a place named Archie's.  The Angels were highly impressed with her.  Many of them remembered Jane from Pismo Beach, but now, on their turf, they had a chance to talk to her.  She explained what life was like living with Becky Page, her conflicts at school, her long-time goal of attending UC Berkeley (now achieved), and her feelings and opinions about life.  There was a constant, circulating crowd around the pool table she was at, fleecing the Oakland Angels at nine ball for twenty dollars a game.  Her preternatural talent with a billiard cue was a source of fascination for the Angels.  Challengers kept stepping up, insisting that dammit, that crazy chick has just had a run of good luck the last couple games, he'd get her off the table, no sweat.  Highly amused, Riley would warn challengers that they'd be losing their sawbuck to the perky teenage girl, but his advice was ignored.  Jane was up $220 by the time Riley took her home.
     When he dropped her off at home, Riley told Jane, "I talked with Buzzy, our prez, and he says you're welcome at the bar anytime you want to come down.  I know you don't have wheels, so call me when you want to come down and I'll pick you up, or send someone else.  We don't want you getting too bored and restless, being stuck in Berkeley.  Shit, don't take this the wrong way, but your fellow students don't have any action to them.  They're goddamn Barbie and Ken dolls, only with student loans.  Anyway, Buzzy thinks you're righteous, I think you're righteous, Dago thinks you're righteous, and all the Oakland H.A. who've met you think you're righteous.  You gotta talk Lenny and Bekka into letting you bring your putt up here.  There's gotta be someplace in your neighborhood you can find to park it.  Then you'd have wheels, and you could come cruising with us on weekends.
     "Uh, so far as the clubhouse goes, so long as you've got a chaperone, you can be there.  We like to keep it as private as possible, damn few non-H.A. are allowed to just drop by, they've gotta be with someone.  So ix-nay on stopping by the clubhouse for shits and giggles, all right?  But come by the bar anytime you want."
     Jane gave Riley a hug and thanked him.  She would enjoy being around the brothers, a break from student life and Gilman St.  Her guess was that it was a pricey cab fare, but she wouldn't want to impose on Riley too often, she had no wheels, and the Angels had forcefully dismissed the idea of taking the bus.  "Yeah, a white girl on AC Transit through East Oakland.  Naw, not happening, no matter how tough you are, Gator Bait."  They suggested taking BART to the Coliseum station, then taking a cab from there.... But that would mean watching the clock, as BART stopped running at midnight.
     Jane was surprised to see Kaitlyn up and awake when she came in.  Kaitlyn looked at her like she was a ghost.  She said, "What are you doing?  Where have you been?  You haven't even started packing your stuff yet."
     "Packing my stuff?" Jane queried.  "Why would I do that?"
     With her patented eye roll, Kaitlyn responded, "Oh my God, you're still being stupid.  Delta Tau is going to make your life hell if you stay at UC Berkeley.  They'll just harass and torment you,  They might even, uh, get physical.  You need to leave, you pissed off the wrong people."
     "Utter horseshit,  Delta Tau are adolescent-minded bullies."  Jane paused, then told a lie.  "I bumped into a guy wearing their letters, so I talked to him.  I stated my case, which was that Rex was using the frat in the wrong way, he was getting his house involved in a personal problem.  I'd leave Rex alone if he left me alone.  I also hinted at the sort of people I'm friends with.  The guy seemed to get it.  He'll pass word along."  She grinned widely.  "No, I don't thing I'll have any more problems with the Delta Tau house.  I'm sure they'll see the sense in what I said."
     "You are so stupid," Kaitlyn declared, and flounced into her cell.
     On Saturday, Jane was sitting around with Dodge, Mimi, and another guy, a non-student named Potato, a street vendor on Telegraph.  They were nursing beers and knocking around ideas for dinner and what to do for fun that night.  Kaitlyn came in, trailing two preppy girls with her, both wearing pink sweatshirts with Greek letters on them.  The exuberance they'd been displaying when they first walked in died down upon seeing the four already present.  The three preppies all began eyeing Jane.  Kaitlyn had a deep scowl on her face.
     Kaitlyn announced to Jane, "Hey.  We were over at the Delta Tau house this afternoon.  I asked, and you're right, you've been taken off the Enemies list."  She scowled even deeper at Jane and continued, "Things are really weird over there.  It's too quiet, everybody seems in a really glum mood....  They said they aren't going to be partying tonight!  And on top of that, four of them had a bunch of teeth pulled out.  I asked what happened, and I got two totally different stories.  One of them said they got jumped in downtown Oakland by crackheads, but another one said it was in San Francisco, and it was members of the Crips gang.  Something really damn weird happened there, and I get the feeling the entire house is keeping it a secret.  But they all seem totally traumatized.... In fact, you're Dodge, right?"
     "Present," said Dodge.
     "Yeah.  Rex was one of the guys who got teeth pulled out."  Kaitlyn's scowl suddenly deepened and she stepped over to where Jane was sitting.  She raised an accusing finger at Jane and said, "You did something."
     "Beg pardon?" Jane responded.
     "It must have been you, somehow.  I don't know how, but you hate the Delta Tau house, and they were after you.  Now they're leaving you alone, they're all acting real scared, for of them had their teeth pulled out with pliers..."  Kaitlyn hit herself in the forehead.  "Oh my God!  Your Hell's Angels friends!  You got them to do something to them!  What happened, what did you have your biker buddies do to the guys at Delta Tau?"
     Jane regarded Kaitlyn levelly and replied, "Really Kaitlyn, I'm just friends with a few of the members of the Oakland H.A. chapter, I don't ride around on their backs.  Having four guys jumped and mutilated?  I'm sure you could find some Angels willing to do such a thing, for a price, but that price would be more than I could afford.  I mean, come on, Kaitlyn.  I'm a freshman at UC Berkeley.  I'm not about to conduct business with the Hell's Angels."
     Kaitlyn stared back at Jane.  She murmured darkly, "Maybe you didn't use your biker friends.... But you did it, you did something to mess with the entire Delta Tau house, somehow.  The timing is too perfect.  They've never taken anyone off their Enemies list unless the person has left Berkeley....  But now you're off the list, and you're still here.  And all the brothers are acting scared as hell, like the house is gonna be attacked by snipers or something.  And the teeth-pulling thing, and Rex was one of the guys who lost teeth."  Then she nearly screamed, "You scary bitch, what did you do?"
     "Really, Kaitlyn," Jane said.  "You're letting your imagination run away with you."
     One of Kaitlyn's friends said, "Kay, you're kinda sounding paranoid."
     "Why don't you and your friends grab a beer from the fridge, we have Miller and Anchor Steam.  Relax some, what happened to your friends isn't your concern anyway."
     Kaitlyn stared at Jane for another couple moments, then turned on her heel and went to the refrigerator, grabbing three Millers.  She distributed them, and the three preppy girls drank.
     One of the girls stated, "I can see an attack like that happening in either city.  It's like, Oakland is Oakland, you know?  A bunch of crack-smoking darkies.  And San Francisco is so full of creeps it's not funny.  My parents warned me to never visit Frisco, even if it is just twenty minutes by BART.  I don't want to be attacked by crazies, or be around queer boys.  And I'm afraid I might get recruited by lesbians."
     Stifling a chuckle, Jane questioned, "Uh.... Recruited by lesbians?"
     "Recruited to do what?"
     "Duh, to become a lesbian."
     Jane realized her three friends were trying to stifle grins and laughter.  She gave her most sarcastic grin and said, "Please, tell me more.  How does one convince somebody to drastically change their sexual orientation?  That must be one hell of a sales pitch."
     Dodge added, "Besides, aren't there already plenty of lesbians?  Why would they need to create more?"
     With an exasperated look the preppy girl said, "They use hypnosis."
     "Do go on, please," Jane said, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
     "Like, two of them will stop you and ask if they can talk to you for a minute, or offer to buy you a drink or something.  One of them will start talking, and the other will be busy hypnotizing you, swinging a pocket watch on a chain.  And when you're under, they tell you how great being a lesbian is, it's way better than liking guys.  Then they take you to one of their bars and turn you loose.  So you're a lesbian from then on."
     Potato managed to choke out, "I'm curious, where did you get this information?"
     "My parents told me," said the preppy.  "They said I could ask our pastor if I didn't believe them.  The pastor said that's where lesbians come from.  Almost no women at all are naturally lesbians, they're really rare, like being born with extra toes.  So the few out there were lonely, and figured out how to do the hypnosis thing.  And of course the new lesbians also start to recruit, too.  That's why there's so many more lesbians around now than there were in, like, the Sixties.  There were no lesbians before then."
     Now Jane, Mimi, Potato, and Dodge were turning red from trying to keep from shrieking with laughter.  Potato muttered, "I want something stronger to drink than beer right now.  My brain is starting to hurt."
     Jane said, "You know, sweetie, I'm bisexual.  I'm surprised Kaitlyn hasn't mentioned it.  I've always been bisexual, for as long as I've understood what sex was.  How do you, or your pastor, explain me?  Had I not been hypnotized deeply enough, so it didn't quite take all the way?"
     The other preppy girl said, "You're bi?"
     "Indeed I am.  I like boys, I like girls, and I've had fun with both.  My dominant side is hetero, though."
     "Oh wow.  Do you know Laura?"
     Jane made a confused look.  "Uh.... I don't believe I do.  Who is she?"
     "She's another bi chick.  She lives in my dorm."
     "Okay....  I don't know what unit or hall your're in, and I'm drawing a blank on having met a Laura so far this year.  Where would I know her from, and how?"
     Using the same exasperated eye-roll as Kaitlyn, the preppy said, "Well... You're both bi, right?"
     "Okay," growled Jane.  "What's your point?  Why would I know a bisexual named Laura?"
     "Um, 'cos you're both bisexual, and you go to UCB."
     Drawing up a bit more patience, Jane pushed on.  "Okay.... I know there are a couple LGBT groups on campus, I'm not a part of either of them, so if Laura is, I wouldn't know her from there.  Sorry."
     "But.... But, you're both bi chicks!" exclaimed the preppy. "How could you not know her?"
     Jane ran out of patience.  "Look, girly, there are 30,000 students at UCB,  Unless this Laura chick walks around wearing a big sign saying 'I am a bisexual,' how would I know her, or what she's into?  What the hell?"
    Dodge smacked his forehead and said, "I know what it is!"  Addressing the preppy and using a patronizing voice, he said, "Um, honey?  Bisexuals, or gays or lesbians, do not have a hive mind.  They are not bees.  Neither is ESP or telepathic communication an added feature of a particular sexual orientation.  Bisexuals do not emit special pheromones, to attract each other.  Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they know very other bisexual in the area."
     "Look at it this way," said Potato.  "Say tomorrow you meet a black guy from Los Angeles.  Let's assume you know another black guy, named Dave, who's also from Los Angeles.  Would you ask the black guy you just met if he knows Dave?  For no other reason than they're black, and from the same general area?"
     The preppy stared at Potato in confusion.  "Why would I be talking to darkies from LA?"
     "Oh, fuck this shit," wailed Mimi.
     Dodge said, "We'll come back to the use of the word 'darkies' in a moment.  You, sweet-cheeks, I have sad news for you, your parents, and your pastor.  Sexual orientation is pretty much hard-wired into people since birth.  A person may not realize their orientation until they begin having an interest in sex, at the start of puberty, but which gender they're attracted to isn't a conscious decision, or the result of homosexual mind rays.  It's just how someone feels.
     "Homophobics --- like, say, evangelical preachers --- invented the 'recruiting' story.  Your pastor has embellished it, I've never heard of hypnosis being used.  It's total bullshit.  If you're not interested in other girls, nobody is going to somehow convince you to change your mind.  Not through hypnosis, not through a sales pitch, not through Michelle Shocked records, nothing.  And why would they bother?  There's plenty of other gays and lesbians running around, especially here in the Bay Area.  Your parents and your pastor are full of shit.  If they have a problem with me saying that, I'm more than happy to give you my phone number, so you can pass it on.  I'll hook them us with any number of resources which will clearly state they're believing a lie.  How's that sound?"
     The preppy was slightly open-mouthed. "Okay, wait.  You mean, if I met a lesbian, she wouldn't try to talk me into becoming a lesbian too?"
     "Oh Jesus," stated Mimi. "What the fuck would she do that for, girly?  Were you flirting with her, then told her you're straight?  Did you ask her to explain the benefits of being a lesbian?  Or do you believe you're just such hot stuff that every member of our species wants a piece of your pie?  Are you telling me you've never met a lesbian?"
     "They don't have homos of any kind in Laguna Niguel," the preppy stated with pride.
     "Oh yes they do!" cried all four friends.  Jane continued, "Honey, you've met lesbians.  You just didn't know it, because they'd forgot to write the word 'dyke' on their forehead that morning.  They always forget.  So a girl doesn't have a flat top and a flannel shirt and a Yamaha, she's not a total bull dyke.  Here's a news flash: lesbians are normal people.  They have normal hair, and wear normal clothes, and  use normal voices....  Unless someone tells you they're queer, you probably won't get any hints.  Unless, of course, you flirt with other girls just to keep in practice.  If that's the case, you're sending out major mixed signals."
     Potato said, "Well, you can always check their record collection for lots of Michelle Shocked and Indigo Girls records.  That can be a hint."
     "So.... it's safe to go to San Francisco?" asked the preppy.
     "YES!" cried the four friends.
     The preppy turned to her two friends and said, "You guys!  We have to go to San Francisco next weekend!  My aunt was telling me about this totally awesome dance club called the EndUp in someplace called SOMA, she says her and her roommate go there all the time.  She said Fridays are the best, the music is killer and they see a lot of action.  And the best part is, the guys there are total gentlemen, we won't be getting hit on all night....."
     Jane sat there with her face in her hands, shaking her head.  She finally asked, "Out of curiosity, does you aunt live in San Francisco, and has she had the same roommate for a while?"
     "Yeah, she lives in a place called Noe Valley.  Her and her roommate have been roommates, like, forever.  They were first roommates when they were in college, and decided they liked being roommates.  They've lived in a couple different cities, but when one moves, so does the other.  They're good friends.  My aunt always says her roommate 'touches the core of my being.'  I'm not sure what she means, but yeah, it's really cool they'be been friends for so long."  The preppy gave Jane a bright look and asked, "Hey, do you know this place?  The EndUp?  Is it cool?  Should we go?"
     Jane forces a calm smile onto her face and said, "Yes, you should go, absolutely.  I'm not personally familiar with the club, but I've heard good things about it.  Yes, take your aunt's advice and go dancing next Friday.  You'll make new friends;."
     "Too cool!"  Kaitlyn and the two preppies gabbed among themselves, finished their beers,and headed back out the door.
     When they were gone, Dodge asked Jane, "Uh, isn't the EndUp a gay bar?"
    Jane replied, "On most nights it's mixed, gay and straight.  If you're there to dance and you don't mind seeing two guys making out on the dance floor, you're cool.  But, uh....  Fridays at the EndUp is called 'Girl Spot Night.'   It's mostly all girls.  And those girls are into other girls.  And from what I understand, if you're a dyke and looking for a hook-up, that's the place to be.  Pretty much every girl at the EndUp on a Friday is looking to get laid, and will assume every other girl is there for the same thing."
     Mimi gave Jane a look of horror.  "Oh, shit.  Your roommate and those two other ditzes are going to be flirted with all damn night."
    "No they won't.  They'll be blatantly propositioned all damn night, there will be very little nuance in the communication.  They're gonna have their asses grabbed on the dance floor, they're gonna have girls with short hair and lots of facial piercings offering to buy them drinks, they're gonna be asked if they want to take a walk around the block to smoke a joint, and they're gonna have girls asking if they'd like to get in one of the bathroom stall for some 'action.'  The dykes who show up at Girl Spot are as subtle as a train wreck.  Yes, I've been.  And yes, I did.  That's why I was there."  Jane smirked.  "But Kaitlyn and her friends don't know that, and they never will.  I'm just passing word along about what little I know of the place."
     Potato stated, "Girlfriend, you are too cruel."
     Jane gave an evil cackle.  "No, I'm sadistic.  I'm going to give each of them a hit of Ecstasy before they leave here Friday night.  And Saturday morning, I'm going to find out how many of them found sleeping arrangements in the City after leaving the club.  They'll be in just the mood to make new friends and try new things.  I wish them the best."
     Dodge said, "Kaitlyn is right, Jane.  You are scary."

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